Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
they're like a gay fantastic four
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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