The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
