I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
