He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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