We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
