but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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