Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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