Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
cat food counts as protein by the way
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
