Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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