I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
