haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
