Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
