I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
