And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
