I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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