What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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