ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
