he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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