oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
