I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
