I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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