we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
