The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
another moral hangover. fuck.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
