Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
