Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Damn victory sex feels great
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
