Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
