Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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