Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
