when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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