yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
