Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
