Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
