Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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