Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
