i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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