My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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