Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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