just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
