i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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