Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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