awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize