i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
