I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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