Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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