Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
In other news, I just burned my penis
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
