Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
