I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize