Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
