I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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