Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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