Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
