who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
the condom got lost in my hair
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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