you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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