i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I want her autograph on my taint
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
