did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
