i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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