There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
