i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
