you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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