peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
