He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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