so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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