oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
