I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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