I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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