I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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