How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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