Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
