She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
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so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
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My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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