So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
