I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
