Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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